Wishes for 2009

I was struggling to verbalize what I wanted for this new year, and I think I finally figured it out. I want to do more things that I can get excited about. I have been so busy, or stressed, or depressed about the economy and how that affects things I want to do. I think I had really forgotten by the end of last year a lot of things I love. Or I had forgotten to enjoy them. And I am really starting to realize that when you set yourself up to be happy, when you open the door to things you’re passionate about, those things tend to come in.

My business just gets my heart racing. I have remember that in all of the accounting and marketing and designing logos and such there is this artistry that is the whole reason I got started. I need to go back and live in that excited idea stage again.

Travel. That is something that has always made me love this life a little harder. And now I’m all jazzed about my (minimal) photography skills and how I can capture those trips. Last year’s summer trip was amazing, but it was so packed and stressful, and I have gotten soooo uptight about flying, I don’t think I enjoyed it as much as I should have. Last night we sat down and planned out a year’s worth of possible trips, and it reminded me of those years, in college especially, when I couldn’t breathe unless I traveled constantly.

Money. Let’s face it, you cannot create happiness when you are weighed down by bad financial decisions and debt. I continue to make progress on that front, and I am tickled to think of where that will get me with future goals.

Love. It’s about the little things, isn’t it?

Exercise. I am tired, tired, tired of feeling like I can’t get in shape and stay there because of this or that time crunch, inconvenience, ailment. Brianne and I have joined the Y, which has multiple locations, free classes and a pool (!) so I can get my plumpy ass in shape. My next goal is to evaluate my schedule and find out how I can work out – yoga, nia, swimming, whatever without it causing me extreme stress, which always results in me giving up on it. Take this week, for example. When I realized what I had to do each day, there was almost no time whatsoever to actually get to the gym and work out. That’s not OK. I have to make some time. Finally conquering that would change so many things for me. I want to run the Bolder Boulder 10K in May. I want to do a day of Ragbrai with my dad. I want to pitch my size 12 jeans. Seriously.

Then there is the stuff, the literal stuff, that fills my life. I was shopping online for fabric the other day and just getting giddy over these adorable patterns. It made me think of my mom’s shopping rule: If you love it you have to buy it, and if you don’t, you can’t. I think I’ve spent a lot of time and money trying to collect things I supposedly needed instead of things I wanted. If it makes you feel good, in a genuine way, not a temporary way, that’s a good thing, right?

So, in short, I think I just want to be happier, more enthused, more smiley. I do, as always, want to wear a smaller size, but I’m more concerned with finding a positive way to do that. Sanity first, elliptical second.

It won’t be easy. Bad news comes in overwhelming waves these days. But I think we’re doing okay. In fact I think it’s that feeling of almost being swallowed by it that makes you want to give it the finger and live happier despite it.