Making some changes

A few weeks ago I stepped on the scale and saw a number I’ve never seen before and never hoped to see. I tried not to be too hard on myself about it. The last few months have been full of upheaval — finding a house, buying a house, renovating a house, moving a new member into the house and then going straight from that into my busiest time of year. It’s been a lot and I’ve been eating my stress.

So I thought I’d see if running didn’t help me get back on track. It’s always been so helpful at bringing up my energy and metabolism, which in turn makes me feel better and eat better. I started the Couch to 5k app and it felt good. I eventually got up to running about 2 miles. But after 6 weeks I hadn’t lost a single pound. In fact I think I gained 1 or 2. That was a humbling moment.

I’m the kind of person who lives inside my head a lot of the time, so this made me really think a lot about all the times I’ve been in this position and all the things I’ve tried that didn’t work in the long term. There was obviously some connection I wasn’t making. Of all the things I’ve learned about food and nutrition, none of them have helped me find one healthy weight and stick to it. So what I was looking for then and what I’m working on now, is a way to eat for the rest of my life. Because running is not going to save me from overeating, and diets aren’t going to help me deal with being an emotional eater. That has to come from inside. 

So I kind of made the quiet decision to work on that. To ask myself what is the worst thing that could happen if I didn’t eat this or that unhealthy thing. I thought it might help to make up some food rules — ways to create better habits. 

I realized that even the super healthy cleanses I’ve done are effectively diets. They’re temporary and they don’t represent the way I eat normally. I went back and read a journal I kept around 2011 (after I had lost 27 pounds) and it actually had a lot of the same thoughts I’m having now. It was good to be reminded of them.

With the exception of sugar, which is absolutely addictive for me, I’m not trying to eliminate any one thing from my diet. I am trying to eat just enough to be full and nothing more. I’m trying to fill a smaller plate and not go back for seconds. If I eat a really big meal, I try to compensate by eating a smaller one later. It’s actually like a weight lifted just to have those “rules” in place. And wouldn’t you know, I’ve lost 11 POUNDS. 

Most of that has been after our trip to Kansas (travel always gets me overeating) and the Thanksgiving leftover bomb. That feels like a big accomplishment. I think the running helps, but I would attribute almost all of the weight loss to eating better. Of course this month is the hardest to resist temptation, and I have definitely indulged in a few things. But overall I feel like I’m finally dealing with bad habits I’ve had my whole life and just trying, little by little, to be better. It’s amazing how many things I’m realizing I do just because I’ve always done them.

I don’t have a weight loss goal in mind. I don’t even know what I should weigh. I’m just going to see how this plays out. I actually think the exercise part is harder right now. I’m working day and night to finish orders and I just don’t have a lot of extra time and energy right now. Plus it’s the rainy season so, for once, we have weather conflicts. But even that I feel pretty good about and I’m set to run a 5k with Mike’s coworkers in March. 

This morning I read this post from Nourished Kitchen, which really resonated with me. It led me to this post about how the cycle of diets/binges/guilt is actually our addiction. I love this part:

It’s such a thrill to start a new diet, like paleo or juice-fasting. We’re like blushing virgin brides each and every time, looking forward to the pleasures to come… adapting recipes, finding new packaged foods, joining groups of people who eat like us, bringing our own food to every social event… (Geez, when I type it out like that it sounds pathetic.) Moderation, by comparison, is dull.

It’s so true! Moderation is totally boring to write about, but it’s the only thing that’s working for me. I have way too many things going on in my life right now to try to overhaul my meal planning, shopping and cooking and try to make it palatable for my entire family. The best I can do is try to be reasonable about food, so that’s what I’m doing. It’s weird. I’ve never really looked at it from this perspective, but I’m hopeful. 

I’m not going to do a bunch of before/after photos so that I can fat shame myself, but I will share anything that works for me going forward, just in case it’s helpful. One thing I noticed after the first month of doing this is that when I started eating a little more (i.e. not feeling stomach-growling hungry) I lost more weight. Also, a few times I skipped breakfast because I wasn’t that hungry in the morning and that wasn’t good. Instead of processed cereal, a longtime fave, I’ve been making omelets with cheese or whatever leftovers I can find. It’s a good protein boost in the morning. 

If you have other advice, especially at getting through the holiday feasting, please share!